The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
