forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
