let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
In America we eat man semen.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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