so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
