somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
