I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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