I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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