Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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