her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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