my vag is so smooth its legendary
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
