i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
