the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont even know how to be here
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
