girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
