I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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