Got a toothbrush?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
