lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
