oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
