The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
