her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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