I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
