I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
