I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
