i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
