too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
