There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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