I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
