Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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