K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
