i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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