So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize