my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
