I think I won the penis lottery.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
