ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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