Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
