We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
