Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
