toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
time to smoke my breakfast
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
