My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
