hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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