so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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