Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
