i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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