I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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