does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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