don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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