The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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