Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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