i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
