erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
