i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
