I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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