Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize