Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
