We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
