cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
