I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
