I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
