Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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