I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
