Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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