My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
