You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
