we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
