.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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